Man up! *Heh*

New years always gets that horrible little demon called 'thinking' doing over time in my brain. Last year had it's shit moment and it's wonderful moment. I wrote a whole bunch of different posts to sum up the year and all of them were big downers. I don't want to be known for that. All positive changes start with positive thought.

I got myself in a bad mood due to two things. 1) A very painful wisdom tooth decided to see the new year in with me. That's good of him >:/ and 2) Mostly fear. This is my last year of University and I've pretty much lost all interest in doing my own work. I think being on the course shows I have a passion but I don't have the skill or determination for animation. Plus I lack a lot of confidence in my own ideas. Besides, I mostly went to University to get out from living with my Dad and at least that was successful. Sounds like a petty reason but with today's expensive housing it was the only decent reason I could give to moving out. When I worked full time I talked about living by myself in a flat but was heavily argued against by...well..everyone! Pretty much the 'guilt' thing. I had to stay with my Dad because no-one else would blah blah blah. Sounds selfish but when you have lived in the same house all your life with a man who starts treating you like a child one moment and then like his mother the next moment it was getting unbearable. I can't live with the RL bf because of problems his has at home and money. So going back into education was my only choice.

I've really enjoyed these last couple of years I've been living in Bristol and I've made good friends. But now with only 5 months left I'm not sure what will happen next. I want to stay in Bristol and just get a job but will I be able to get a job? Will I still be able to come back and see the RL bf before we are able to afford our own place. My biggest fear is me coming back to my home town and living with my Dad again. I'd be stuck at square one and probably stuck back at my old job. Having mental break downs in the toilets again (Oh happy days!) just this time with massive debts! It seems to be my Mum's favourite subject at the moment and is heavily hinting I move back in with my Dad, no matter how miserable she knows it would make me.

I think I just really need to concentrate on my work and make sure I leave this course with some sort of grade. No point in just failing it after all this time whether I have any interest in it or not. What I'm gonna do afterwards can be a worry about then. Till then, even though I lacking behind in work and confidence, I'm safe, I'm warm(ish), I'm happy and I have love. What more do you need?

Happy New Year everyone!