The shuddering point is that it's almost my birthday.I'll be 26 this year and though I usually enjoy myself in some sort of drunken way it's the thinking up towards that that gets me thinking "What am I'm doing with my life?!". But I'm sure everyone gets that.
Round about this time last year though things started going downhill in my SL. Even when we make a conscious effort to avoid it, drama will always get us somehow. No matter how little or big it seems to us it always happens. And this probably seems like the best time to write about seeing as only about an hour ago I was sent yet another FB message from the person in question.
I use to have an SL brother. His name was Callum.
Back before Derren was even a thought in my mind my primary avie was Manny. I met Callum when he first started back in November 2008. We became friends pretty quickly and had a laugh but a few months later he quite bluntly refused my friendship due to me apparently bitching behind a friends back. I thought unfair but if that was how he wanted to play it fine, blocked him and carried on with my SL. At the end of the day we weren't really that close at that time.
Fast forward to October 2009. I get an im from someone called My (I'm not saying full avie names). It was Callum again. Saying he was sorry and that he wanted to be friends again. I am the sort (after awhile) to forgive and forget plus my SL had been getting rather lonely so we became fast friends again.
Those times back when everything was pretty cool were awesome. We had a right laugh. Both him and his friend jerico (aka Zod) became like brothers to me. Droobie who was dating Cal at the time was a really fun girl to be around and I had my lady Izzie at the time too. We had the little hiccup of drama now and then, and now I fully know why drama follows Callum like the plague. We fought against the Australian Hells Angels, we quoted our favourite french gangster boss of SL Wasad, we laughed as he become some ghetto mami's baby daddy and I felt part of a family.
Callum joined an RP sim called Crack Den which was an dark, urban, gangster type sim and soon Trin joined out family. Though reluctant at first because of her RL situations, Trin started dating Cal and our little gang had a right laugh. Both Zod and I joined Crack Den as a family, Cal and Zod being my younger brothers while Trin was our half sister. We had a great time creating the stories and our backgrounds. Trin really helped me out with starting out to RP as I had never done it before. With her playing my half sister I got to spend a lot of time with her and over time...I started getting feelings for her. But of course she was dating Cal so kept my feelings shut away. I never even once thought of telling them of my feelings let alone try to get between the two of them. That was never my thing and they were happy together. Something that I would never want to break up. Callum on the other hand seem to do that by himself.
Alexis, another friend who I don't talk to any more,came into our lives once she was constantly bitching about her SL husband. This was the girl I was "bitching behind her back" about when Callum and I first called off our friendship. Basically she's a bit of a sad case. Since I had known her she had been SL married at least 5 times, not including the "forever loves" she had in-between and she was still a few months younger then me SL wise. And though Callum was quite happy to agree on these facts I was still bitching. A fair few of us have these kinds of people in our lives and yes we do bitch about them to other people. It probably isn't the nicest trait in a person but most of us do it. Especially to people who just come to you when no-one else will talk to them. But I digress. She was having problems with her current husband and we started inviting her over to hang with us so she wouldn't be so lonely. Within a few days she had dumped her husband, moved onto the plot next to Callum and started rezzing prim babies in his house. That was creepy enough. All this while he was still dating Trin. Not going into too much detail but their relationship was pretty much 'you can do whoever you want, as long as you don't tell me'. Being that Trin didn't want to have sexual relations on SL due to her RL situations but Cal was still the randy little sod he had always been. Unfortunately this open relationship didn't work out when it all came into the open that Cal and Alexis had been doing stuff together and not telling anyone. Alexis couldn't take the sharing any longer and proceed to send Trin notecards, ims and photos of her and Cal together! Seriously! That's how bat shit crazy that chick is. I stupidly plonked myself right in the middle of the situation, hearing out everyone's side of the story. Trin couldn't take the intensity of the situation and ended things with Callum. Alexis told me that Callum didn't want to tell me about they secret affair due to him thinking I may of had feelings for Trin. When we talked man to man I did admit I had feelings for Trin but would never think of ruining anything they had (as I said he did that by himself). He was fine with this...for about and hour...then the shit started flying. He called me everything under the sun from scum to a c**t. Saying that I had betrayed him and that I should fuck off. Though I had stood by his side through all that shit and shit from before this is how he treated me. As the minutes ticked on the lies started coming out worse. He said that everyone hated me, was scared of me, that everyone thought I was scum. I said my own hateful words in the heat of the moment but only when apologises weren't cutting any ice with him. He said I had no-one even though I was still talking to Trin and Droobie at the time. That I still have Trin on my friends list and still talk to her from time to time. The lies were coming out so thick and fast it almost became a joke!
I had created Derren by the time and was spending more and more time on him. The last time I went online as Manny he said some ugly things about my personal life. Not only that but with some little cheerleaders in the back ground egging him on. He had become nothing but pathetic and a waste of space to me by then. I blocked him on everything and decided never to talk to him again.
Since then he's probably messaged me about 4 times. Asking for forgiveness, asking that *I APOLOGIZE* to him and that he misses me. But in the end all I miss is two things. One, I miss the fun we had. Those times were great and some of the best memories I have of my Second Life. And two, I miss Manny. Derren's 1st rezday is about two weeks away and though I'm so happy with my life as Derren at the moment I can't help but feel bad for Manny. Cal pretty much ruined Manny for me. Sounds petty but I'm pretty sure a few of us have been through that situation before.
So..this new message I got today on FB..lets see. It seems from the heart. If I forgive him I still can't be his friend any more. That trust is long gone. But instead of blocking him I might just tell him that we can't be friends again. No matter what betrayal or hurt he felt over the situation it couldn't of been so bad to treat me the way he did. We were the lads, we were best friends and we were family. Not any more. I have a new life now, new family and new hope. I'm not prepared to throw that all away by bringing the drama king himself back into my life.
This song pretty much came out about the time this all happened. Stupidly fitting. Life has a way of doing that.
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